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Blocked by association.

There are people that don't like me because of my past. There are people that don't like me because of my confidence. There are people that don't like me because I changed. There are people that don't like me because I smell like an essential oil distillery. And then, there are people that don't like me because they don't like the people I like.

More times than I can count, I've been pushed away by people, just because of who I fuck with. News flash. I fuck with everyone. Well, I have love for everyone. Why? Because even the biggest assholes, even the worst criminals, even the most awful people, need love to heal. I did. I was all of those things at least once. But maybe it's just because I became aware of it. Actually, I know it's because of my self-awareness, that my heart opened up and became accepting of all humans, no matter their "sins". I hated the feeling of being judged, so with time, I stopped being the judge.

I have a couple of friends who recently disagreed. I had no knowledge of the disagreement or even an inkling of any animosity. One of them completely shut me out of their life, because I "still fuck with" the other one. One day, I just noticed I was blocked. I asked if I upset or offended her in some way, because it came completely out of the blue. She told me that she can't associate with anyone who associates with the other friend anymore. This kind of broke my heart for a bit, but it also taught me a valuable lesson. No one else, not even the estranged "friend", has the capacity to feel with my heart or think with my mind. Therefore, how the hell could I feel or think with hers? I can't. I can have all the compassion and empathy in the world, but I can't be inside someone else's soul. People make decisions and react based on their upbringing, their conditioning, their opinions, their traumas and the people they spend the most time with. That shit has nothing to do with me. But because I have been that guy, on both sides, I still have deep love for BOTH of them.

On the flipside of this, some of the people that love ME have lost friends and family because of it. "How could you even associate with her? She had an affair! She's an asshole! She was an addict! She made decisions that hurt other people! She's loud and offensive! She's crazy!"

While all of these things were or are true, there are some beautiful people in my life that don't give a fuck about any of that, and don't hold me to my past or judge me for it. They've welcomed my evolution. They don't care that I smell like a dirty hippie. They defend me and speak lovingly of me, even when I'm not around. It's been a long-ass bumpy road, but they've stuck it out and remained loving toward me because they know my heart. They know I'm changing. They know I will continue to grow. Even though I have fucked up a million times, they love me anyway. These are the people who have had the most impact on how I love today. They have taught me life's most valuable anyway.

It doesn't serve my highest good to talk shit about others. It doesn't feel good to hate someone because someone else does. It certainly doesn't raise my vibe, trying to fit in with haters. It took me a long time to learn that, but the freedom I feel now cannot be fucked with. Most people will never feel this freedom, because they are stuck in the perpetual cycle of victimhood, and get a quick high off of hating on other people, whether they know them or not. Love them anyway, even if it's from a distance. They are the ones that need it the most.

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