Lack of Support.

My back fucking hurts. My low back. Like, there is clearly some arthritis there. She flares up once in a while, usually when I'm under some type of stress. Some days, it's debilitating. Not to the point where I can't do life, because I have an extremely high pain tolerance, but to the point where I have to roll around in bed and stretch and move before I can even sit upright, and it takes a lot longer to complete certain tasks. It spasms once in a while, and sends shooting pains down my legs. I've been dealing with it this time for almost three months. It started around the time spring started. It started when I started doing yard work and landscaping. Gardening. Lifting heavy shit. So I half-ass blamed it on that. But here's what's up. Yes, I know that overexertion of muscles that haven't been used in a hot minute causes pain. I used to do the Crossfit. But I also know that any physical ailment that arises, ALWAYS has an underlying mental or emotional issue. It just manifests into physical pain because our bodies have a way of SHOWING us what's wrong, when we're not listening to the little hints and clues it gives us before it blows up. Long story short, your thoughts and habits create your physical reality.

Here's what I mean; Let's say you know someone who is a liar. Or, you yourself are a liar. Even a white liar. The littlest lies. Eventually, they or you will develop colds, coughs, or just all around issues in the ear, nose and throat area. They'll be chronically ill. Eventually, if the thought patterns and the inability to speak the truth persists, they or you will develop bigger issues, emphysema or COPD. You might be thinking, My grandpa died from COPD and he was the most honest, forthcoming loving man in the world! Perhaps. But whether you want to hear this or not, he was covering up some sort of truth, or not sharing it because of the pain it once caused him. Maybe not with lies, but with keeping emotions stuffed down, to protect those he loved. That shit will eat you from the inside out.

So, back to my back. The correlation of physical pain in the low back area to the mental and emotional aspects is almost always associated with lack of support. Whether it be from the Universe, money or family. It means, I don't feel supported. Let me dumb it down for you. Your back IS your support. So when it hurts, you are somehow not feeling supported.

Now, if you know me, you also know this is total bullshit. I've got support being shoved in my face from literally all angles. My husband is the biggest supporter in the entire world. My family is nothing short of fucking amazing. My friends?!? ALWAYS SUPPORTIVE. NO MATTER WHAT. What in the fuck do I actually have to complain about? What the hell is my problem?!

I don't do painkillers. I don't even do NSAIDS like ibuprofen or Tylenol unless the pain is absolutely unbearable. To me, pills are just bandaids, used to cover the pain, but not treat it. Plus, they can be so hard on your organs, and it takes FOREVER to reverse the damage and detox that shit out of your system. You heard me.

Instead, I do yoga. I stretch and breathe. I use topical solutions, an anti-inflammatory all-natural rub that Trisha left here so I just kept it, along with pain-relieving essential oils like copaiba and wintergreen. I get adjusted by my chiropractor sister. Less often than I should, but I get adjusted. I perform energy healing on myself. I meditate. Yes. It works. Not only that, but when I take the time to meditate, I am shown, behind closed eyes, what the actual underlying issue is. If you can just quiet the fuck down for a few minutes, you will be shown how to heal it.

Throughout this bout of pain, I've tried different types of meditation, from just sitting quietly with my own breath, to using an App or just listening to soft music. Or just going outside and listening to the breeze and birds. Healing little shits. But here's where I had my epiphany. I Youtube'd "guided meditation for low back pain" did that shit for 20 minutes, and got up like a BRAND NEW MAN. Not only did I come to understand the internal issue, but I got up virtually PAIN FREE for the first time in weeks!

Naturally, during meditation, your mind wanders into different thoughts, and we are taught when that happens, to come back to our breath and focus on that to get us back in the groove. The more I practice meditation, the less it happens, and I become open to receiving messages from my own intuition. That's how it works.

So, I'm mid-meditation, and all of a sudden, I hear loud and clear "YOU CANNOT SUCCESSFULLY SUPPORT THOSE WHO REFUSE TO SUPPORT THEMSELVES." I literally felt a "pop" in my low back, and the pain was gone. Because I knew exactly what the voice was saying.

I've got clients, relatives, friends, you name it, that want to get better. That want help. But they don't want to do the work themselves. They want me to push a magic button and make them all better. Ok, that's bullshit. I want to push a magic button and make them all better. But I can't. All day, every day, I can scream from the mountain tops, "LOVE YOURSELF. DRINK LOTS OF WATER. DON'T STUFF DOWN YOUR EMOTIONS. YOU GOTTA FEEL IT TO HEAL IT. STOP TALKING SHIT. STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU." It's not gonna matter. No matter how bad I want to help them change, they have to push that magic button themselves.

At first, this was just tragic to me. I'm a fixer. If your heart hurts, I'm gonna smother it with all the love I got until you feel better. And it usually works! Temporarily. But after that point, it's up to you do dig deep and do the work to get you feeling good again. I can't control that, I can't make you do anything. All I can do is be that support when you need it, and truly want to make a change.

So in this, I have found deep healing. Not only has my back pain almost vanished, but I realized other peoples willingness to get better isn't up to me. And now, it doesn't bother me. It's no longer tragic. The only thing I need to worry about controlling is what is in my own personal control. I am SO supported. By the Universe. By my family and friends. And now, by myself. Not only that, I feel healthier than I've ever felt in my life. So, there's that.

If you're interested in finding out why you always feel like shit, read the book "Your body's telling you: Love yourself!" by Lise Bourbeau. You can look up any physical ailment, from abortion to yeast infection, and see why the hell you can't get over it. This book has helped me in so many ways, and it might help put things into perspective so you can get on with your own healing. Push your own damn magic button.