Self-Caregiver.

Before I even start yammering on, I've got to let you know, that YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Every part of yourself that you give for someone else is more than enough. Even when it feels like it isn't. Even when it's never felt this difficult. Even when you're doubting your capabilities. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Burnout isn't something to take lightly. Because it will kill you. Slow and sure. It's pretty simple, if you continue to give and give and give of yourself without giving any TO yourself, shit will eventually hit the fan. You'll get sick or injured, or manifest some type of physical symptom in your body that directly correlates with the emotions you're unable to release, because you don't take 5 fucking minutes for yourself. Except once in a while, you can't hold it in, so it turns into a sob fest in your car putting you on a mad search for a dirty shop towel under the back seat to blow your snot rockets before you walk into the Walmart.

Most caregivers have pain or tension in their neck and shoulders. Why? Because we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, and even if we carry it well, eventually, that shit gets heavy. Any negative emotion we feel around our caregiving role will get stored in the heart, and the shoulders try to wrap it up tightly to keep it from leaking out. Suppressing it. Because it's gross and heavy and is NOT an emotion that someone who cares, should be feeling. cough cough, refuckingsentment. Our bodies adapt to "protect" our hearts, and often the shoulders look rounded, our posture sucks and we begin to look unhealthy AF.

Some of us hold the tension in our arms and hands, and develop conditions like arthritis (holding onto anger and resentment from the past) or neuropathy, which is what happens when we stuff our feelings, ignore our own needs and push through to make sure others are taken care of. Our hands are an direct extension of our hearts. It's how we put love out into the world, and it's how we receive it. Many of us experience hand or arm issues because we're giving and giving and giving of love and helping in every way we can, but we fail to receive it. Whether it's from the recipient or those that claim to "support" us, the energy isn't reciprocated, we begin to feel tired, stuck, and HELPLESS. If you're a caregiver for a family member, I'd be willing to bet that other members of your family rarely lend a helping hand or ask you how YOU are doing. And even when you DO ask for help, they don't show up for you. So it's easier just to do it all yourself and quit asking for help, because it falls upon deaf ears and selfish hearts. It's important to remember that they are NOT YOU, so therefore you cannot expect YOU out of them. Write that down. Because as a giver of the care, you will be reminded of this, probably DAILY. No one is you. No one can be you or do what you do. You don't have to be a turd about it.

But also, you aren't making time for yourself to help YOURSELF. So even if you feel a massive lack of support from your so-called team, you are your own responsibility, and your lack of boundaries and self-love ain't got shit to do with anyone but you.

So we carry on, hold it in and do whatever needs to be done to help those who need us. Then do it all over again tomorrow. And the pain persists. Because you are experiencing so much strain, feeling stretched too thin, wanting to numb out the challenges, feeling stuck & inflexible, wanting to control everything, wanting life to be easier, wanting to throw in the towel and walk away from it all. Rinse, recycle, repeat until death do you part.

And believe you me, you can throw all the therapies you want at your conditions, chiro, massage, sauna, acupuncture, essential oils, cold plunging or castor oil packs, but none of that will help if you're not dealing with the shitty emotions on your heart. Failing to find a way to release these emotions will keep you spinning on the caregiving hamster wheel, and before you know it, five years have gone by and so have all your hopes and dreams of ever becoming a teen model. If you got that reference, you have to message me.

You have to feel it to heal it. And there isn't any other way around it. I'm sorry. This is the medicine. You've got to fucking feel it, or you'll spend the rest of your life feeling the negative emotions that surround it, and everyone will think you suck and no one will want to hang out with you.

And let's not make this hard. You don't have to go anywhere. You don't have to spend a dime. You don't have to schedule an appointment with a rockafeller doctor and get put on a synthetic to deal with this shit. Because friend, that is the opposite of dealing with this shit. And for the love of GOD, you don't have to wait until you've hit rock-bottom caregiver burnout.

Write about it.

Scream about it.

Move your body about it.

Take a hot shower and cry about it.

Lay on the ground and breathe about it.

Create something about it.

And OMG drink a glass of water about it, FFS. Easiest medicine available and here you are, all dehydrated and sad. Come on, sister. You've got at least that much love for yourself. And if you don't, come get on my table.

And let me know how it goes. Doing something as simple as this every day you're giving yourself might just be the balance you need to give TO yourself. You'll still have days that suck or are hard and long, but if you are actively participating in your own release of shitty emotions, you start to notice the hard days aren't as hard. You feel less pain in your body, more clarity in your mind, more presence in your heart. And the ability to set boundaries and remain organized comes second nature. I'm still working on that last part...and all the rest of the parts but what I've come to see is that to ignore your own needs as a caregiver is basically a death sentence. Take care of your heart, Loves.