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Poison Control.

I am, by no means, a dietary professional. But I know what types of "foods" make me feel like shit, and which ones give me the energy to do life. I am, by no means, perfect either. I love a big fat cheeseburger or steak or dark chocolate. Give me all meats and the dark chocolates. And sometimes, I'll indulge a little too much and have to roll up in a ball on the couch and slide into a food coma, and then feel like shit the whole next day. I love food, actually. All food. Except fuckin liver. Do not even try to tell me that eating the thing that filters all the bad shit out of an animal is healthy. Or delicious. Ew.

Recently, I went to see my friend Dawn who is a holistic nutrition magician. For the past three years, she has helped me figure out not only the foods that my body hates, but the supplementation it needs to purge the toxins I've collected over the years through shitty diet and environment. My health went from plummeting into a downward spiral, to shedding layers and years of toxic damage and repairing itself. She is brilliant, and helps people save their own damn lives. Find her here:

In my most recent visit, we found that I'm carrying high levels of poisonous toxic herbicides and pesticides, and it's causing a whole bunch of stupid-ass symptoms such as swelling in my lymph nodes & tonsils, issues in my gut and adult acne. Not just a little pimple here or there, but deep, cystic, prom night-sized goiters near my temples {which divinely, happen to be a acupressure point for HEALING}. She guided me to a supplement regimen and I can already see improvements just after a couple weeks. Yes, the supplements work magic on helping your body eliminate the shit that's causing the symptoms, but figuring out the source is also important.

For the most part, my diet is pretty clean. I mean yes, I'll eat the shit out of some fried cheese curds and inhale salt & vinegar kettle chips until my mouth bleeds, but I consume a fair amount of fresh fruits and vegetables. After taking a long, hard look at what I was actually putting in my mouth, I figured out the problem. I'm awful at washing my produce. Even the non-organic. Maybe, if at all, a quick swipe under cold running water and I'm off to the races. Conventional produce is FUCKING LOADED with chemicals & pesticides. That get into your blood. And cause your lymph nodes to swell because your liver and kidneys are fucking spent trying to filter this shit out. And causes gut issues and acne and a whole bunch of other awful shit I'm probably not even aware of.

So I did some research. I looked up ways properly wash produce to rid it of as much man-made poisonous shit as possible, and actually started doing it. I make a bath for all my produce and let it soak for at least a half hour before I rinse and ingest it. I just fill up the sink or a big ass bowl and use a handful of baking soda, some vinegar and pink Himalayan salt for a nice little bath. After it's soaked, I rinse it and it's ready. Is it a pain in the ass? Yes. But is it worth my health? Also, yes. It would be nearly impossible to rid my life of every single little toxin and pollutant, but in this aspect, I've figured out a way to be better. I buy organic everything WHENEVER I can. Sometimes, it's a little more expensive but truthfully, like anyone else, I'd be willing to pay a lot of money to keep my health.

Produce wash:

1 T baking soda

1 T pink Himalayan salt

1/4 C organic ACV

A sink or big ass bowl of cold water

Soak produce for a minimum of half hour. Massage, drain, rinse and pat dry.

I also started making a smoothie that I drink every single day around mid-morning, and it's completely changing my life. And my poops. Imagine the best poop you ever took, and the beautiful energy that comes with knowing you get to dookie like that every single day of your life. It's a mix of all the greens you'd never thought you'd drink, but I swear, it is going to keep me alive forever. The process of blending all the fruits and vegetables together makes it SUPER easy to digest, because half the process is already done and it's LOADED with whole food fiber. Plus, I don't have to try to cram in all these stupid vegetables throughout the day to meet my dietary needs.

Self-Love Smoothie

1/2 bunch fresh organic cilantro, chopped

1/2 bunch fresh organic parsley, chopped

1/2 package organic sprouts

1 head organic romaine, chopped

Big ass handful of organic spinach, chopped

1 cup organic celery, chopped

1 organic apple, cored & chopped

1 organic banana

1 organic pear cored & chopped

1/2 organic lemon, peeled & seeded

1 cup water or coconut water

Blend the water, herbs and sprouts until liquid. Add the romaine, spinach and celery, and blend until liquid. Add the fruit and blend until liquid, serve & enjoy. Makes 2-3 servings, which can be stored for up to 3 days in the refrigerator or a week in the freezer. I store mine in mason jars. Also, you can substitute any of the fruits, I like using fresh pineapple or mango to jazz it up a bit.

Listen. I'm not a beacon of health or a walking chickpea, but I am constantly trying to improve upon what I allow myself to consume, whether it be food or energy, and I only want to share with you what is working for me, just in case, it might help JUST ONE person, then I know I'm living on purpose and being of service to the world. I'm not saying you can't eat liver, I'm just saying it's gross.

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