Updated: Sep 11, 2020
Are you judgy AF? Chances are, probably. But whyyyyyyy???
Typically, when we feel the need to point out someone else's faults, appearance, actions or past in a negative or JUDGY way, it reflects us. Who we are. How we view ourselves. Our shortcomings. What we don't like about ourselves.
Let me break it down. Let's say you see someone walk into a sporting event, wearing the craziest outfit and hair and face paint you've ever seen. You smile and high-five them, maybe even compliment them, right? Because they are ballsy enough to show their love and support of their team.
Why? Because. Perhaps you've been the crazy dude with the green hair and game day bibs on a Sunday afternoon with a beer in your hand. You stepped out of your comfort zone to show some love for something you support. After all, this is just one of the crazy things we do for love, right?
Now, you're staring this same person dead in the eye as you bump carts at Target, or she's standing in front of you in line at Kwik Trip. Or walks into the library. Your attitude toward that person is totally different. "OMG, who would wear that?!?" or "Look at her ridiculous hair!" or "Do they actually think that looks good?!?"
Why? Because. Because you aren't ballsy enough to be your absolute fucking self at the Kwik Trip. You haven't been in their shoes, you can only bust their confidence, in your own head, because you have none. Because you are so damn worried about what people might think.
Maybe someone you know (or don't fucking know) made a decision 5 or 10 or 20 years ago that caused a lot of people to talk a lot of shit. It doesn't matter what the decision was. Starting a relationship with a narcissist (and staying in it), drug use, stripping, marrying someone they just met, quitting their job, blowing up a piano with tannerite, becoming Vegan or a healer. How do you view that person now? Do you still think of that certain event every time you see or hear about that person? Is it still judgy AF? I know you've heard it a bazillion times and you're about to hear it again. Put their shoes on. Go for a walk. How does it feel? Can you maybe start to understand, because you're walking through it yourself?
Let them put your judgy-ass shoes on for a minute. So they can figure out why you're such an asshole. Jk, they ain't gonna put your shoes on because they don't give a shit what you think, nor do they feel the need to know why you are the way you are. Because they already know. And by the way, that means they are leaps and bounds ahead of you in figuring out what we're all supposed to be doing here.
You can't just go walking around, tearing other people down (whether it's in your head or out loud) and expect your life to improve. It just won't. You can't stay stuck on some bullshit and expect to move forward. Maybe try to catch yourself next time, and rather than saying "Ew" about the mom who's obviously had 3+ kids sporting a bikini at the pool, admire her for having the confidence to not give one shit about what you, or anyone else may think or say about her body. She's the real winner here.
Instead of saying or thinking, "Oh, that hussy got a job at a strip joint right after high school", ask yourself, "I wonder what she's like now?" And maybe go find out! You'll never know someone's story or why they do the things they do if you don't talk to them. This doesn't work if you're talking ABOUT them to EVERYONE ELSE. Just that one, single human being that you've spent so much time judging. Try it, just once. It will help you to stop judging. Even yourself.